Saturday, April 9, 2011

Inner Battles

Title: Inner Battles
Rating: PG-13
Author: Sxymami0909
Fandom: Vampire Diaries
Pairing: Damon Centric implied Damon/Elena
Word Count: 1270
Prompt: “Not Meant To Be” by Theory of a Deadman

It's like one step forward and two steps back
No matter what I do you're always mad
And I, I can't change your mind
I know it's like trying to turn around on a one way street

I can't give you what you want
And it's killing me
And I, I'm starting to see
Maybe we're not meant to be

It's never enough to say I love you
No, it's never enough to say I try
It's hard to believe
That's there’s no way out for you and me
And it seems to be the story of our lives
Nobody wins when everyone's losing

This was it, the ending Damon had been fearing since the beginning. He stared at her in the empty room and he knew she could feel his gaze as it penetrated deep into her soul. Every time he finally thought things between them were good, something would go wrong or he would do something to mess things up. Sometimes intentionally, sometimes not, but either way 9 out of 10 times it was his fault things came crashing in around him.

Damon just wasn’t good at being good. Every one step he took forward caused him to act out aggressively to fight off the good he could feel pouring into his being forcing him to take two steps back. He was the only thing holding himself back from progress.

No matter how hard he had tried Elena’s kind words and fleeting touches weren’t enough to keep him sated anymore. He wanted more…he wanted her, but he knew how she felt about his brother and it seemed nothing he did could change her mind.

He had tried to be the decent brother and let Stefan be happy with the woman they both loved, but it had been harder than it looked forcing him to repress feelings that had ultimately driven him to the edge. And so, one night while Stefan was out of town, he’d broken down and told her.

Damon had stood in front of her and poured his heart out. He spoke until every thought, every feeling, and every action was purged from his being. No more secrets hiding in the recess of his mind, no more lies. He had stood there bare, mind body and soul in front of Elena. The murderous fearful creature he was, scared out of his mind as he had waited for her response.

He had expected her to laugh at him, say something like ‘I could never love you’ or ‘it’s always been Stefan never you’ or something else that screamed Katherine, but she hadn’t. Elena had looked startled for a good few minutes before she hesitantly moved in his direction, hand slipping slowly up his chest. Their eyes had met and seconds later they were wrapped in each other’s arms, mouths pressed together, tongues dueling in a heated passion he hadn’t felt in a long time.

Things from that point moved quickly. Damon could barely remember how they’d broken the news to Stefan when he made his way back. He’d taken the news better than Damon expected, but then again Stefan had always been a graceful loser when his had self righteous indignation on his side. He claimed she’d realize her mistake sooner or later and he’d be there waiting when she did.

At the time, Damon didn’t think much of the statement, hell he’d pretty much thought it was his brother’s last attempt at trying to win Elena back, but now…now he saw what Stefan must have seen all along. She broke their eye content and looked away not sure how to respond to the probing look in his eyes.

Damon had changed a lot since the first time she met him and a great deal of his most recent changes were for her. She knew how hard he tried to be the person she deserved, but sometimes she just wished he would stop trying to be perfect for her and instead do it for himself.

He watched her turn away from him and he sighed shifting and leaning against the back of the couch. The sad reality was that no matter how hard he tried, it seemed like he couldn’t give Elena what she wanted. Their most recent argument opening his eyes, making him see that maybe they just weren’t meant to be.

Telling her how much he loved her, showing her he was trying, it was hard to believe, but it just didn’t seem to be enough for her. His voice was low, heart clenching as he spoke. “This isn’t working is it? You and me…”

Elena glanced up at him, water pooling in her eyes, bottom lip trembling. “We can try again…” Damon shook his head arms crossing in front of his chest to keep from reaching out to her. “We’ve tried Elena…I love you, but I can only change so much. You need to be willing to meet me half-way…and you just aren’t there yet.”

She took a step forward a tear leaking down her cheek as she gripped his arms. “I love you too…I do. I just…you can’t keep doing this. I need you to try and be good…you can’t go around killing people every time you’re pissed off or you feel threatened. You promised me that you changed this time…that you’d be better…I can’t be with someone who takes a life so easily. Who doesn’t care that they are murdering someone’s child or spouse…someone who doesn’t value human life…”

He shook his head frown appearing on his face. “That’s not fair. I’ve given up all that I know to be the man you so desperately need me to be in order for you to love me Elena…and yeah, every once in a while I slip…I’m not perfect and I’m tired of trying to be. I’m tired of trying to live up to Stefan’s shadow.”

Elena gave him a sad look and shook her head as she took a step back from him, voice low and shaky when she spoke. “You still don’t get it Damon…The only person you’re living in the shadow of is yourself…I’m in love with you…and the only thing holding you back from being the person I know you can be is yourself…and deep down you know I’m right.”

She lifted her hands in a defeated gesture. “You want to end this? You think it’s too late to fix us? Fine…I’ll go, but just remember; when you’re done finding excuses as to why you keep trying to ruin what we have…I’ll be waiting…”

She moved forward, leaned in, and pressed a quick kiss against his cheek before turning quickly and making her way out of the empty house leaving him standing there alone in the dimly lit living room staring at the book shelves in front of him. He heard the door close and he shut his eyes fighting the heavy feeling in his chest.

Nobody won when everyone was losing and after all the trouble he’d been through for Elena, Damon wouldn’t be the cause of burning this bridge. He loved her too much for that. Pushing himself away from the couch he ran to the door and followed the brunette who carried his heart with more care than anyone before her.

If there was one person worth the risk of leaping all in it was Elena. Damon was done fighting with himself. He knew she was right, this was his fault. He needed to swallow his pride and go to her. If this was the story of their lives, this wasn’t how he wanted it to end.

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