Pretending

Title: Pretending
Rating: PG-13
Author: Sxymami0909
Fandom: Vampire Diaries
Pairing: Damon Centric implied Damon/Elena
Word Count: 520
Prompt: “You Make Me Wanna Die” by The Pretty Reckless



Your eyes, your eyes
I can see in your eyes, your eyes

You make me wanna die
I'll never be good enough
You make me wanna die
And everything you love
Will burn up in the light

Damon was drowning. He could feel himself sinking deeper into the abyss of darkness with no way to pull himself out, but her. Just thinking of the petite brunette with soulful eyes made him sneer. He hated her. He hated that she got beneath his skin, that one look into her warm chestnut colored eyes made him feel things he hadn’t felt in decades.

But even more than that, he hated the way he was in love with Elena Gilbert. He wished she would refuse to believe in him…that she’d just give up completely and finally let him fall back into the murderess son of a bitch he’d always been.

On most days he could drown his sorrows in alcohol and sex. Pretend as he took refuge in some warm, willing body that he was still the man who didn’t care what anyone thought. That he was still the vicious killer without thoughts of redemption.

It was a lie. Lately it seemed everything in his life was a lie. No one knew how thin a line he walked, how far he’d come and how close he was to snapping. The guilt he had felt for the college student that he’d savagely killed the other night ate away at him.

He wanted to tell Elena what he’d done…force her to see who he really was so she’d finally give up on him and he could go back to his regularly scheduled programming. But alas…Damon hadn’t said anything and he most likely never would because as much as he wanted to be the monster without feelings…he couldn’t.

Not anymore. Not since her and that’s what tore him a part inside. The battle between monster and man…his nature verses what he knows is right. No matter how hard he tried he would never reach Stefan levels of sainthood in Elena’s eyes though, and that right there should be enough for him to throw in the towel…give up the act.

It wasn’t. He wanted to be good for her. A man worthy of her love…but he doesn’t know how to be and that kills him. In her eyes he’ll never be good enough…but every once in a while he’ll catch a glimpse of something in those brown orbs. Something more than friendship and caring.

Something curios and primal…something that calls out to his soul. A spark…a flicker of hope that no matter what he does won’t go away. She made him want to die…she had managed to break through the walls he put up and now he can’t seem to get her out.

What was worse, he didn’t want to get her out. He relished in the humanity that she gave him. He soaked it up…bathed in the illusion of being human again while inside, each time she chose Stefan over him, it killed him a little more. And soon Damon wasn’t sure that there would be anything left.